2023年幽默放送.docx

幽默放送 世界上最伟大的击剑手 在一场世界最正确击剑手表演中，排名第三的击剑手上场了。一只苍蝇放了出来，剑划了一个弧，他将苍蝇劈成了两半。观众欢呼起来。紧接着排名第二的人将一只苍蝇切成了四半。现场一阵沉默，人们期盼着世界上最伟大的击剑手出场。 他的剑锋以一个巨大的弧线划了下来——然而那只昆虫还在继续飞行!观众被惊呆了。最伟大的击剑手完全错过了他的目标，然而他还在微笑着。 “你为什么这么快乐？〞有人嚷道，“你没击中!〞 “啊，〞剑手答道，“你刚刚没有很仔细地看。苍蝇还活着，是的——但他永远也做不成爸爸了。〞 The Worlds Greatest Swordsman At an exhibition of the worlds best swordsman, the third-place fencer took the stage. A fly was released, and with an arc of his sword he cut the fly in half. The crowd cheered. Then the second-place man sliced a fly into quarters. A hush fell in anticipation of the world"s greatest swordsman. His blade came down in a mighty arc,but the insect continued on its way! The crowd was aghast. The greatest swordsman had missed his target completely, yet he continued to smile. “Why are you so happy"someone yelled. “You missed!〞 “Ah,〞replied the swordsman,〞you werent watching very carefully. They fly lives, yes,but he will never be a father. 没关系 我赶着开车将11岁的女儿送到学校去，在红灯处右拐了，而那是不允许的。“啊噢，〞意识到犯了错误，我说。“我刚刚拐弯是违章的。〞 “我想那没关系的，〞女儿答复说：“我们后面的警车也同样拐了弯。〞 All Right Hurrying my 11-year old daughter to school, I made a right turn at a red light when it was prohibited. “Uh-oh,〞I said, realizing my mistake.〞I just make an illegal turn. “I guess it"s all right.〞my daughter replied,〞The police car behind us did the same thing. 天气预报 一个电影摄制组在沙漠深处工作。一天,一个印度老人到导演跟前告诉导演说“明天下雨。〞第二天果然下雨了。 一周后,印度人又来告诉导演说,“明天有风暴。〞果然,第二天下了暴雨。 “印度人真神,〞导演说，他告诉秘书雇佣该印度人来预报天气。 几次预报都很成功，然后,接下来的两周,印度人不见了。 最后,导演派人去把他叫来了。“我明天必须拍一个很大的场景,〞导演说,“这得靠你了，明天天气如何啊〞 印度人耸了耸肩，“我不知道,〞印度人说,“收音机坏了。〞 Weather Predict A film crew was on location deep in the desert. One day an old Indian went up to the director and said, “Tomorrow rain.The next day it rained. A week later, the Indian went up to the director and said, “Tomorrow storm.The next day there was a hailstorm. “This Indian is incredible,said the director. He told his secretary to hire the Indian to predict the weather. However, after several successful predictions, the old Indian didnt show up for two weeks. Finally the director sent for him. “I have to shoot a big scene tomorrow,said the director, “and Im depending on you. What will the weather be like〞 The Indian shrugged his shoulders. “Dont know,〞he said. “Radio is broken.〞 三声口哨 我容许过我的女朋友过生日送她一条金项链。可是当珠宝商报出我们看中的那条项链的价格时，我低低地打了个长口哨。 “那这条项链多少钱呢？〞我指着另一个盘子里的项链问。 “先生，对你来说，〞珠宝商答道，“大约值三声口哨。〞 Three Whistles I promised my girlfriend a gold necklace for her birthday, but when the jeweler quoted a price for one we liked, I let out a long, low whistle. “And how much are they then〞I asked, pointing to another tray. “You, sir,〞replied the jeweler, “about three whistles. 脑筋急转弯 1. 谁喜欢出口伤人？ 2. 什么人的工作整天忙得团团转？